So today is Monday.
We have a substitute teacher, so unusually it’s quiet. The day goes by fast, getting in little fights with Coconut though. One day we’ll be all friends, the other day we’ll be enemies.
Sub: The teacher says that you can move to a different spot during Enrichment time.
Everyone: *scrambles for seat next to their bestie*
Me: * does derp face and looks around*
Coconut resumes his work like nothing happened. I realize that I’m stuck here. By Coconut. Alone. In the corner of room.
Coconut: You can move, you know. You don’t need to sit by me.
Me: I’m good.
We both pretend to work. I’m trying to work up something to say, while he’s staring into space. I utter up his name, and he looks up. I have no idea what to say, so I ask the randomest question.
*Spaces mean personal
Me: Do you have a best friend?
Coconut: Um.. I don’t believe in best friends.
Me: Oh, because every friendship dies, right?
Me: Do you have any… friends?
Coconut: No, not really. No one has the same interests as me.
Me: To make a friend, you don’t NEED to have a lot in common. Maybe some.
Coconut: I suppose, yeah.
Me: Don’t you have _____?
Coconut: We weren’t really friends. Sure, he was nice to me, but we barely knew each other.
Coconut: I go to baseball and stuff, and there are guys there. We talk and have a good time. But, they aren’t the same as me. All they care about are shoes and girls. I’m not like them. They’ll talk and laugh. And sometimes I just stay quiet, listening but feeling… I’m weird.
Me: No you’re not! It’s awesome how you’re different from them. They’re probably fakes too.
Coconut: Yeah, like _____. *we talk about that guy*
It’s funny how the old ladies at church love me. They’re my friends.
Me: You need someone close in age with you.
Coconut: I have you!
Me: haha. But seriously. Sometimes I want to tell someone everything, but .. I feel alone? Even thought I’m not?
Coconut: I’m your best friend.
Me: 🙂 okay, but …
Coconut: I know, I know. I have friends but… Never mind.
Me: No no, tell me.
Coconut: *sigh* They live in Indiana doe. We aren’t really friends, but we know each other.
Me: So acquaintances.
Coconut: Sure. But like.. Do you ever get this feeling *fidgets with pen*, that you’re friends with someone, but not exactly, but you want to be friends, but you aren’t sure if they like you back, so you just wait for something to happen? *looks up into eyes*
Me: I know the exact feeling. *gives sorry-smile*
Sub- everyone be quiet.
Coconut and I lean closer, to continue conversation.
Me: It’s hard to make friends here. There are freaking only 11 of us.
Coconut:I know right, can’t wait til highschool.
Coconut: You know who’s annoying? _____
Me: Yeah… I know. I leave it alone though. Just let _____ be.
Coconut: Yeah but they talk weird and…
Me: I’m forced into it. When I try to act mature, it’s not the Jessenia they are used to. They expect immature me. And that’s not me.
Coconut: I see.
Me: And when I do act myself, I want to be with people like me. You and ______ for example.
Coconut: *gestures me to be quiet BC sub is trying to catch in conversation*
Sub walks away.
Coconut: I think it’s so weird for schools to be not coed, you know? I want to go to _______ school, but ________ school is cheaper… And I know people. But there will be a ton of _____ guys and no… I mean, it’s fine, but I’d rather be with a more variety of people.
Me: I can’t stand it either. I couldn’t last an entire 4 years with girls. I need opposite gender people, to make things..
There’s an awkward silence.
Me: You’re a good person to talk to.
Coconut: *continues working and turns red*
And that’s that. There was wayyyy more, that conversation lasted about an hour. I forgot some parts.
Today was incredible. We bonded. 🙂
– Happy Jess